I close my eyes and pray as the tears run down my face, I hope to see the light and find my way out of this darkness. I’m slowly breaking down beneath this mask, as it builds up my walls to stop my fear, as I walk through the dark night sky, with my hands close together. Hoping that this nightmare would end, as it keeps repeating right before my eyes, I fall to the ground and curl up into a ball completely numb and unable to move.
In my mind, I wonder if you would even understand, in my mind, I wonder if anything that you say is believable anymore. Every time you tell me something its always doubtful, and why I even bother to process it in my brain, it never comes up to be true. When I try to think about the positive side of you, every memory of pain comes back to me. Every moment I knew that was good had turn pitch black evil. When you come into my mind you’re the shadow of my heart that slowly kills my every attempt to see the sunlight.
Have you ever felt like you started a mess and when you tried to fix it, everything just became worse? Have you ever thought, that you just wanted to be someone else? Have you ever wished that you fell off the face of the earth, or wished the worse things upon yourself rather than it happening to other people? Has people ever given you that look to make you feel like everything you did was wrong? It usually easy for people to judge you based on a first impression, when you’re caught in the wrong mood, but its not always that way, mostly just the way you are.
If you come off on a person in a negative way it just happens sometimes, you try not to let it happen but it happens on its own. Everything happens for a reason some of it is your fault and some of it isn’t your fault, but if others blame you for osmething that’s complete on their shoulders. If you made a mess of a situation that you tried to fix, because its your fault but everytime you fixed it only became worse.
Wanting to be someone else other than yourself isn’t always the best thing but you can only imagine yourself in their shoes. In the beginning people don’t tell you what they’re really going through because they don’t know you that well, nor do that have the complete trust in you with their life. You can’t trade yourself in for someone else but you can’ only make yourself better than you were before.